{"id":1,"date":"2015-04-14T06:25:04","date_gmt":"2015-04-14T06:25:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/behavioural-therapy.com\/?p=1"},"modified":"2023-05-08T10:03:27","modified_gmt":"2023-05-08T10:03:27","slug":"7-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-with-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/behavioural-therapy.com\/?p=1","title":{"rendered":"7 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve ever suffered from anxiety, you\u2019re probably familiar with the control it can have over you and your life. And you\u2019re not alone \u2014 it affects approximately 40 million adult Americans per year<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Anxiety and panic disorders can cause feelings of fear and uncertainty \u2014 and with that suffering often comes comments that are more hurtful than helpful. According to Dr. Terry L. Whipple<\/a>, clinical psychologist and assistant professor of medicine at the Cleveland Clinic, while it usually comes from a heartfelt place, a lack of understanding from others can make working through a panic attack incredibly challenging\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cSo many of the things you might say end up having a paradoxical effect and make the anxiety worse,\u201d Bea told The Huffington Post. \u201cAnxiety can be like quicksand \u2014 the more you do to try to defuse the situation immediately, the deeper you sink. By telling people things like \u2018stay calm,\u2019 they can actually increase their sense of panic.\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite everything, there are ways to still be supportive without causing more distress. Here are seven comments you should avoid saying to someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder \u2014 and how you can really<\/em> help them instead.<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. \u201cDon\u2019t sweat the small stuff.\u201d<\/strong>
\n\"spilled<\/p>\n

The truth is, what you consider small may not be so minute in someone else\u2019s world. While you may be trying to cast a positive, upbeat light on a tense situation, you may be diminishing something that\u2019s a much bigger deal to another person.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have to enter the person\u2019s belief system,\u201d Bea advises. \u201cFor [someone with anxiety], everything is big stuff.\u201d In order to help instead, try approaching them from a point of encouragement rather than implying that they \u201cbuck up\u201d over something little. Reminding them that they overcame this panic before can help validate that their pain is real and help them push beyond those overwhelming feelings, Bea says.<\/p>\n

2. \u201cCalm down.\u201d<\/strong>
\n\"calm\"<\/p>\n

The debilitating problem with anxiety and panic disorders is that you simply can\u2019t<\/em> calm down. Finding the ability to relax \u2014 particularly on command \u2014 isn\u2019t easy for most people, and it certainly can be more difficult for someone suffering from anxiety.<\/p>\n

In a blog post on Psychology Today, psychologist Shawn Smith wrote<\/a> an open letter to a loved one from the viewpoint of someone with anxiety, stating that even though there may be good intentions behind it, telling someone to calm down will most likely have the opposite effect:<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s acknowledge the obvious: if I could stop my anxiety, I would have done so by now. That may be difficult to understand since it probably looks like I choose to [panic, scrub, hoard, pace, hide, ruminate, check, clean, etc]. I don\u2019t. In my world, doing those things is only slightly less excruciating than not doing them. It\u2019s a difficult thing to explain, but anxiety places a person in that position.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

According to Keith Humphreys, a professor of psychiatry at Stanford University, your words don\u2019t have to be your most powerful method \u2014 offering to do something with them may be the best way to help alleviate their symptoms. Humphreys says activities like meditation, going for a walk or working out are all positive ways to help.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n

3. \u201cJust do it.\u201d<\/strong>
\nWhen someone with anxiety is facing their fear, a little \u201ctough love\u201d may not have the effect you\u2019re hoping for. Depending on the type of phobia or disorder someone is dealing with, panic can strike at anytime<\/a> \u2014 whether it\u2019s having to board an airplane, speaking with a group of people or even just occurring out of nowhere. \u201cObviously if they could overcome this they would because it would be more pleasant,\u201d Humphreys says. \u201cNo one chooses to have anxiety. Using [these phrases] makes them feel defensive and unsupported.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead of telling someone to \u201csuck it up,\u201d practicing empathy is key. Humphreys advises swapping pep-talk language for phrases like \u201cthat\u2019s a terrible way to feel\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m sorry you feel that way.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe paradox is, [an empathetic phrase] helps them calm down because they don\u2019t feel like they have to fight for their anxiety,\u201d Humphreys said. \u201cIt shows some understanding.\u201d<\/p>\n

4. \u201cEverything is going to be fine.\u201d<\/strong>
\nWhile overall supportive, Bea says that those with anxiety won\u2019t really react to the comforting words in the way that you may hope. \u201cUnfortunately, telling someone [who is dealing with anxiety] that \u2018everything is going to be alright\u2019 won\u2019t do much, because nobody is going to believe it,\u201d he explains. \u201cReassurance sometimes can be a bad method. It makes them feel better for 20 seconds and then doubt can creep in again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bea suggests remaining encouraging, without using blanket statements that may not offer value to the situation. Sometimes, he says, even allowing them to embrace their worry \u2014 instead of trying to banish it \u2014 can be the only way to help. \u201cThey can always accept the condition,\u201d Bea said. \u201cEncouraging them that it\u2019s okay to feel what they\u2019re feeling \u2014 that can be a pretty good fix as well.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. \u201cI\u2019m stressed out too.\u201d<\/strong>
\n\"secondhand<\/p>\n

Similar to \u201ccalm down\u201d and \u201cdon\u2019t sweat the small stuff,\u201d you may be accidentally trivializing someone\u2019s struggle by creating a comparison. However, if you are stressed or suffering from a mild anxiety or panic disorder, Humphreys warns that camaraderie after a certain point can get dangerous. \u201cIt\u2019s important not to obsess with each other,\u201d Humphreys advises. \u201cIf you have two people who are anxious, they may feed off each other. If people have trouble controlling their own anxiety, try not to engage in that activity even if you think it might help.\u201d<\/p>\n

On the other hand, when you or a loved one has been seriously hurt in a car accident, you need an attorney on your side with a proven record of success in recovering maximum compensation for crash victims. At Car Accident Lawyers Hollywood FL<\/a>, they are widely recognized as strong advocates for injured people.<\/p>\n

Research has shown that stress is a contagious emotion<\/a>, and a recent study out of the University of California San Francisco found that even babies can catch those negative feelings from their mothers<\/a>. In order to promote healthier thoughts, Humphreys advises attempting to refocus the narrative instead of commiserating together.<\/p>\n

6. \u201cHave a drink \u2014 it\u2019ll take your mind off of it.\u201d<\/strong>
\n\"drink<\/p>\n

That cocktail may take the edge off, but when dealing with anxiety disorders there is a greater problem to worry about, Humphreys says. Dr. Terry L. Whipple<\/a> and prescribed treatments are more of the answer when it comes to dealing with the troubles that cause the panic. \u201cMost people assume that if someone has a few drinks, that will take their anxiety away,\u201d he said. \u201cIn the short term, yes perhaps it will, but in the long term it can be a gateway for addiction. It\u2019s dangerous in the long term because those substances can be reinforcing the anxiety.\u201d<\/p>\n

7. \u201cDid I do something wrong?\u201d<\/strong>
\nIt can be difficult when a loved one is constantly suffering and at times it can even feel like your actions are somehow setting them off. Humphreys says it\u2019s important to remember that panic and anxiety disorders stem from something larger than just one particular or minor instance. \u201cAccept that you cannot control another person\u2019s emotions,\u201d he explains. \u201cIf you try to [control their emotions], you will feel frustrated, your loved one suffering may feel rejected and you\u2019ll resent each other. It\u2019s important not to take their anxiety personally.\u201d<\/p>\n

Humphreys says it\u2019s also crucial to let your loved ones know that there is a way to overcoming any anxiety or panic disorder \u2014 and that you\u2019re there to be supportive. \u201cThere are ways out to become happier and more functional,\u201d he says. \u201cThere is absolutely a reason to have hope.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lindsay Holmes<\/a>
\n<\/span><\/em>The Huffington Post<\/a>
\n<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019ve ever suffered from anxiety, you\u2019re probably familiar with the control it can have…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[423,427],"tags":[428,463,441,433,429,430,432,431,466,115,464,465,435,434,462,461,439],"class_list":["post-1","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-anxiety","category-stress","tag-anxiety","tag-anxiety-disorders","tag-behavioral-therapy","tag-behavoural-therapy","tag-cbt","tag-cognitive-behavioural-thearpy","tag-cognitive-therapy","tag-ct","tag-dealing-with-anxiety","tag-depression","tag-meditation","tag-mindfulness","tag-online-cbt-therpy","tag-online-therapy","tag-panic-attacks","tag-panic-disorders","tag-stress"],"yoast_head":"\n7 Things You Should Never Say To Someone With Anxiety - 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That\u2019s the upshot of a slew of recent studies that show many health conditions previously believed to be completely physiological in origin, actually have psychological causes \u2014 and psychotherapeutic cures. \u201cA wealth of research has surfaced showing clear relationships\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Behavioural Psychology"","block_context":{"text":"Behavioural Psychology","link":"https:\/\/behavioural-therapy.com\/?cat=513"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1036,"url":"https:\/\/behavioural-therapy.com\/?p=1036","url_meta":{"origin":1,"position":2},"title":"The Benefits of Mono-tasking","author":"Fiona","date":"April 29, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The new trend is in \u2013 Mono-tasking is officially the way to go! It's been a long time coming...\u00a0 Personally, I've never been a fan of multitasking. I've always struggled to do more than one thing at a time, and it's never been my cup of tea. 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But how many of us have actually read any of the Classics?\u00a0How ancient wisdom, the Stoics and Albert Ellis can help you The funny thing is, we're more likely to live happier lives if\u00a0we visit the classics section of the book store\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Behavioural Psychology"","block_context":{"text":"Behavioural Psychology","link":"https:\/\/behavioural-therapy.com\/?cat=513"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1083,"url":"https:\/\/behavioural-therapy.com\/?p=1083","url_meta":{"origin":1,"position":4},"title":"This Supplement May Stop Sadness Becoming Depression","author":"Fiona","date":"June 2, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Probiotics may stop sadness becoming depression by helping people let go of the past, a new study has discovered. Researchers at the Leiden Institute of Brain and Cognition found that probiotics stopped people ruminating so much. 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